I Deserve Better

A rhyming poem about realizing my own value, and letting go of those who don’t value me.

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I hear the thoughts

In my head

Circling round and round.

No one likes you.

No one cares.

Tears roll without sound.

Stop being dramatic

I tell myself

But the evidence abounds.

*

When I pay the bill

They find the time

Their schedules magically free.

But calendars fill

And time dries up

When the only incentive is me.

I’m giving up

because I refuse

to beg on bended knee.

*

I’m there for you.

I give my time.

I give my heart and soul.

But when I ask

For a little back

Your time is now precious as gold.

I’ve played my hand

and you’ve played yours,

I think it’s time we fold.

*

You’re being selfish,

I tell myself

As I sit at home and cry.

But the more I say it

The angrier I get,

Because it’s a giant fucking lie.

I’m done with sorrow.

I’m done with tears.

It’s time I said goodbye.

*

I truly enjoyed

the time we had

but it’s coming to an end.

It takes more 

than my wishful thinking

and rifts you never cared to mend

to earn the right

and the honor

of being called my friend.

~○~

08/18/17

AGP

For the record, I’d like to reassure everyone I am okay… I only finished this up today.  I was having a bit of a pity-party when I began writing this poem, but by the time I finished it today, I had come to the startling realization that I’ve been holding on to quite a few ‘friends’ who let me go a long time past, I just wasn’t willing or able to accept it because I wasn’t ready, and I’d done nothing wrong.  This was a purging of sorts.

Friendship

I’ve been pondering friendship lately.  Why I choose the people I choose as my friends, why I continue to call them ‘friends’ when they obviously don’t consider me to be a very important fixture in their lives…

…and I realize that for many years, I did the same, and it wasn’t because I didn’t care for them, but because I either didn’t know how, or that I was lost in my own bubble.  It’s easy to get caught up in your day to day busy-ness that we forget to keep in touch with the people who matter to us, or to stay silent out of fear of rejection.

If you have someone you care about, but haven’t given them the attention that the level of your affection would indicate they deserve… call them.  Text them.  Email them.  Hell… tag them on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.  Let them know they cross your mind.

Today, I called my dad.  Of all the people I love, he is probably the most un-aware of my feelings, due to familial habits of interaction.

Who will you reach out to?