Friendship

I’ve been pondering friendship lately.  Why I choose the people I choose as my friends, why I continue to call them ‘friends’ when they obviously don’t consider me to be a very important fixture in their lives…

…and I realize that for many years, I did the same, and it wasn’t because I didn’t care for them, but because I either didn’t know how, or that I was lost in my own bubble.  It’s easy to get caught up in your day to day busy-ness that we forget to keep in touch with the people who matter to us, or to stay silent out of fear of rejection.

If you have someone you care about, but haven’t given them the attention that the level of your affection would indicate they deserve… call them.  Text them.  Email them.  Hell… tag them on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.  Let them know they cross your mind.

Today, I called my dad.  Of all the people I love, he is probably the most un-aware of my feelings, due to familial habits of interaction.

Who will you reach out to?

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Communication 

Lately, I’ve become aware of my style of communication, and what it may say about me.

I communicate with others through analogies, a LOT.  I repeat myself, a LOT.

I know that I never feel truly understood, especially without using analogies.  I have come to believe that this is because people really don’t understand me when I don’t use them, because I don’t experience the outside world in the same way as most other people, but I experience the same feelings that they do, and I do live in the same world, even though it usually doesn’t feel like it, and through stories, I can be sure I am getting across what I am aiming to, or close to it.

When you add to that a constant fear of being misunderstood, it makes for pretty annoying conversation to muddle through.

I have an almost desperate need to verify that what others are hearing matches what I am trying to say.  I think I’ve always been aware that people aren’t really picking up what I’m putting down, so to speak, which has created a lack of confidence and deep insecurities.

Or perhaps I use analogies so much because I have sensed the differences between myself and everyone else, and I’m so fearful that the differences will cause a misunderstanding, I use them as a sort of ‘pre-emptive’ defense mechanism.

The more I understand who I really am beneath all the programming, the more my confidence grows, which I hope will also begin to clear up my communication.