Or perhaps it’s just my brain…
Have you ever had something on the calendar that you forgot about, and when you were reminded of it, even though it’s something you know you want to do, still feel less than… enthusiastic about it?
What person needs to be reminded of why they want to hang out with their friends?
Why does unexpected change disturb me so much?
Why do I have to be dragged, kicking and screaming, from my house to go have fun, only to have a blast and not want to leave once I’m actually there?
What’s causing all this mulish anxiety?
Regardless, I’ll be out having fun this weekend, even if it kills me. 😛
I’m so appreciative that I am flexible enough to bend or break at my own whim. There’s freedom in knowing that ultimately, the choice is mine.
It’s difficult, at first, when there’s no one left to blame but yourself; when you shoulder the responsibility of how you feel, when you stop giving the power of your experience to others through blame. But the difficulty will fade quickly if you allow yourself to dwell on the thrill and excitement of being The One With Whom The Buck Stops.
There’s a little discomfort when you realize that it wasn’t your parents, after all. It wasn’t your bosses or your teachers or your spouse or your kids… it was you, me, ourselves, all along.
Granted, when we’re kids, our parents are (or should be) responsible for us, but there comes a time when, once we’ve learned this information, or once we become adults in our own right, the burden shifts from them to us. That can be a bitter pill to swallow, when you don’t figure this shit out until you’ve reached your mid-30’s!
But I know folks in their 60’s who haven’t figured it out yet, so I’m not upset. I’m grateful to have been blessed with (hopefully) many years of rectifying my mindset, and playing the game as it was meant to be played.
Namaste & Blessed be, friends!
I’m wearing a shirt I bought about two years ago and took the tags off of last Friday. It’s buttoned closed, and I feel good.
Have I mentioned yet how awesome I feel?
I feel great. And I’m not sorry for it. I’m not sorry that I feel amazing. I’m not sorry to tell you that I’ve lost 10 pounds (I believe that’s ‘nearly a stone’ across the pond) in the past few weeks without trying. I’m not sorry to say that I have a husband that is so absolutely amazing that I sometimes can’t believe he’s human. Really. It’s just not normal to be that zen in your love for someone… is it?
He sees me at my absolute worst and doesn’t love me ‘in spite of it’… he just loves me. He doesn’t stand there thinking how horrible I’m being, he’s thinking ‘how can I help the woman I love, who is so obviously hurting?‘. It’s just not normal, I tell you… the man is my friggin’ rock.
I’m not sorry to shout to the rooftops that I’m happy. I’m thrilled beyond measure with my life. I’m not sorry that I dislike listening to people complain these days. I’m not sorry that one minute I’m annoyed, and the next minute I’ve figured out how to love you for whatever you’re doing or did, and love myself for not liking whatever you did or didn’t do.
I’m not sorry that I make people acutely aware of their own alignment with their Higher Self, or lack thereof. I’m not sorry that I sometimes don’t recognize my own inconsistencies, but see yours clearly. I’m not sorry that I am sometimes so unaware of my state of misalignment that I get angry when others point it out, that I sometimes take a little longer to see the truth in another’s observations.
This post was longer, but there was an obvious energy shift (as you can see, I was still feeling a bit defiant while writing this. It was written the same day as my previous post over on SS). What I chose to do was to split the posts into two, because they are so obviously written from two different frequencies!
Is there peace
inside your soul
or do you lack
what makes you whole?
Inside of me
I have found
a sense of self
and a love profound.
may have these gifts:
a soothed soul,
and healed rifts.
Ash will be ash
and dust will be dust-
the Source of all things
lies inside all of us.
A grain of faith,
about a mustard seed will do,
and heaven on Earth
will flow to you.
Don’t take my word
give it a try…
With the right leap of faith
your Spirit will fly.
In my last post, I spoke of your priceless gift to me. This post is also about gifts, but it’s about my gift to you.
My gift to you is my honesty. I won’t pretend to be something I’m not in order to get likes, comments, or follows from you. I won’t try to make money from your visit to my attic. I won’t pepper you with Adwords or Affiliate links, and if I recommend something to you, there will be a real-world, non-financially based motive for it. I don’t see any of you as cash cows, future paychecks, or anything other than my silent tribe of support and acceptance.
Now, I make no promises about SS, but this blog is ad free, incentive free, affiliate free… and it will remain so.
Namaste & Blessed be!
The things I write about here are personal. Some of them, I can’t accept myself for sometimes, and the way this series began… let’s just say that I’m not highlighting my good side. Maybe I was testing you. Maybe I was testing me.
I basically just reached inside and pulled up the worst feeling thing I had done, and exposed it. I don’t know why yet. I didn’t know why then.
I simply followed my impulses where they led me. No preconceived notions, no expectations of where this would lead.
One thing I never expected, though (you guys surprised me, for sure) was the silence. The experience of exposing my deepest, darkest, ugliest moments… and there was silence.
Then it happened.
Someone followed me, but silently.
One by one, you have come, read, and followed, in silence. Neither encouraging nor discouraging me with your words, just allowing me to express what I need to in mine… and in doing so, you have expressed an acceptance of who I am more deeply than words from any comments on any blog I’ve ever written.
For that reason, I have now disabled the comments on this blog. Not because I don’t value your responses (had there been any), but because your silent acceptance has been a priceless gift for me, one which I almost missed out on completely, because I was beginning to get discouraged by the silence…
Thank you for your gift to me.
My last post may leave some of you wondering why I even have this blog public. Where is your value here? Why have I let you in to this space of mine?
Allow me to explain…
The reason I have made this personal space of mine public, the immeasurable value which you, my silent readers, offer to me can be summed up in one word;